Montgomery Flea Market

Here is the greatest commercial ever made. This video has gone around a lot. I saw it for the first time about 2 years ago. But I thought I should put it up because I just watched it again and fell in love all over again.



Here is a spoof my friend Ryan did.

Pastor Breaks wrist during Sunday Service

I thought this was a funny little article from Yahoo! today. It's about a pastor who brought out a motorcycle to illustrate a point during a sermon and ended up crashing it into the front row. I bet that was hilarious. I also bet this guy is never going to live it down.

Here's the article:

KOKOMO, Ind. - A pastor brought out a dirt bike during a church service to demonstrate the concept of unity. Now he's demonstrating the concept of healing.

Jeff Harlow, the senior pastor at Crossroads Community Church, broke his wrist when he lost control of the motorcycle at the start of Sunday's second service, driving off a 5-foot platform and into the vacant first row of seats. He underwent surgery on the wrist Monday.

"Jeff has already laughed a lot, so he's OK. I think his pride was bruised," said his wife, Becky.

Becky Harlow said her husband had recently attended a motorcycle race in Buchanan, Mich.

"He had this idea that he would bring this bike out onstage and show people how the rider would become one with the bike," she told the Kokomo Tribune. "He was going to just sit on it and drive it out. He was just walking the dirt bike out onstage and somehow it got away from him. It was not intended."

No one else was hurt.

Jeff Harlow had performed the demonstration at earlier services Saturday night and Sunday morning without incident.

Evolution of Dance

This is an old video, but it's still hilarious.

Pancho Claus

All week we've been having Sports Camp at our church. I've been leading the Bible study for the 4th and 5th graders, and they've been a ton of fun. The first night I told a fart joke and a poop story. The rest of the night, the boys were farting. So I had to declare a "No Fart Zone" last night. Anyways, tonight, I'm talking about loving people and I'm going to share the story of Pancho Claus. I wrote a blog about it a year or so ago, and just reread it. I thought it was pretty funny, so I'm going to put it up here again, since I've been thinking about it today. Let me know what you think.


Every month my church goes out for a trip to do homeless ministry. We give away a great meal, clothes, toiletries, and some other stuff to people who live under the Commerce Street bridge or in the homeless shelter near there. This past Saturday I went along with a group of junior highers. I met some interesting people, and over the next couple of days I'm going to tell about the encounters that I had with some homeless people that I met.
First, I'm going to tell you about "Pancho Claus." He was a big man with a big white beard. He also was in a wheel chair and had a patch over one of his eyes. There was a man on a bicycle who called him "Pancho Claus" because he looked like a Hispanic Santa.
Well, Pancho had been talking to a couple of the kids, so I wanted to get close to him so I could hear and make sure they were ok. He was very, very drunk. The kids were being nice, talking to him, and inviting him over to get some food. We even offered to bring the food to him, since he was, after all, in a wheelchair. So after a few minutes, I knew we had to get back, so I said that to him to try to end the conversation. Well, he looked at me and said, "You come over here to talk to me, you don't have to be scared." I wasn't scared, so I walked over to him. He gave me his empty beer can to throw away.
After I threw the empty beer can away, he asked me to come back. So I walked back and he grabbed me by my hand. (Ok, a little freaky, but I'm still not scared) He starts talking to me, and I can't hear him very well. One, because I have bad hearing, and 2 because he was slurring his speech. He asked if he could have my sunglasses. I know sunglasses is a petty thing, and I could get along in my life without them, but they were expensive, and there was not a chance I was going to give them to him, especially since he only had one eye anyways.
So, he's got me by the hand and he says for me to listen to him, so I turn my head to point my ear at him, so I can hear him. This apparently makes him mad, and he hollers, "LOOK AT ME!" So, I look at him, but I can't hear him.
He tells me, "what do you see?"
I say, "I see a man."
"What kind of a man?" (you have to imagine this in the same type of accent as El Guapo from "The Three Amigos."
I say, "a good man?"
"What?!"
I say, "a hairy man?"
"What?!"
By this time I have no idea what he wants me to say. I am very aware of his sweaty hand and that all but one kid has left the scene. So, I guess, "a hippy man?"
He says "NO! I am a Roman Pirate and I'm here to kill the demons..." and then he rambles on about something that I really didn't understand.
So I say, very enthusiastically, "yeah, you do look like a pirate."
This apparently didn't make him happy, and he tells me, "You're a bad man. You're not a real Christian."
Well, I didn't like that much, so I asked him why he would say something like that.
He then grabs my hand tighter and says, "Look at me!" He lifts the patch from his eye a little bit and I am telling you now that was one of the grossest things I have ever seen. It was like looking into a fleshy hole. And he just wants me to look at him and listen. BUT HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING!!! He just holds my hand and stares. So, I just look back at him, and watching his other hand to make sure he doesn't pull out a butcher knife to chop out my eye to replace his. (OK, honestly, I'm getting a little spooked by this point)
After a minute or so, he asks me, "What did I say?" HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT. I said, "something about you being a Roman Pirate." That was really the only thing I could remember him saying.
Pancho Clause yells, "NO! Listen to me." Again he makes me stare at the hole in his eye and listen to him trying to speak with his mind. I really don't want to know what he was telling me with his mind thoughts. All I was really thinking was that I really want to wash my hand.
Again, after a minute of silence he said, "Did you hear what I said to you."
I said, "Nope, I didn't hear a thing."
Then he went off about this Roman Pirate thing and what it meant to be a real Christian and how we need to serve Jesus.
Then he started laughing and let go of my hand, and said he was just messing around with me. On the outside I was laughing with him, and on the inside I was screaming, "Dude, you are crazy."
Then, before I left, he asked me one more thing. "Hey man, I need some underwear, can I have yours? You can go behind that car and change for me."
I was like, "No, heck no." Then he asked Isaac. Isaac said, "No, heck no!"

I know I've been trying to think about how to love people more. Did I show love to this guy. I didn't love him, he actually freaked me out a little bit. (You look at a hole in somebody's eye while he holds your hand and tries to telepathically speak into your head by a guy who looks like a Hispanic Santa Claus in a wheelchair and tell me you're not a little freaked out too) But thinking back, did I meet his needs and show him love. We did bring him some food, and then he came over and got seconds. But then one of his friends told me that he was very lonely and wanted people to talk to him and listen to him.
I don't think I did all I could for this man, but I think this is what God had me to do for that day with this man to show him the love of God. Is it going to make a big difference in his life? Probably not, but for that moment, I feel that God was using me and the other students to show the love of God to Pancho Claus.

Jim Gaffigan--Cake

I think Jim Gaffigan is hilarious. Here is a little video about him talking about cake.

The Chris Farley Show: A Biography in 3 Acts

I just finished reading the new Chris Farley biography. It was a book that I couldn't put down. I've always been a fan of Chris Farley since he first started on Saturday Night Live. I loved Tommy Boy. I even really liked Black Sheep. There was one part in it that even when I think about it I crack up: where a big rock hits their cabin and it sends Chris and David Spade falling out of the cabin. Chris goes and takes down the door, and every time I crack up. I even liked Almost Heroes and Beverly Hills Ninja. So, I was excited to read his biography.
It was a lot of testimonials about him from others. They had friends from his childhood, people who went to camp with him, friends from college, coaches, SNL writers and actors, and his family. The first few chapters are about Chris' school and early career, and there were some stories in there that made me laugh out loud. At one point I had laughed so hard that I spit all over the page. It's hard to get people to laugh at something they are reading, and to get somebody to crack up is nearly impossible, but some of the stuff he pulled was awesome.
The end was more about his addictions and his death, and it was so sad. He was such a good guy who couldn't kick his addictions. He volunteered to help elderly people. He would go to hospitals and just hang out with kids in the cancer ward. He was always trying to help people. All of friends said that he was always encouraging them and building them up to feel like a million bucks, even when he was in high school. I didn't really know about any of that, but it makes me like him even more.
I remember I was driving home for Christmas vacation from college. It took about 9 hours to get home, and as soon as I got into the city I turned on the radio, and that was the first thing I heard, that Chris Farley was found dead in his Chicago apartment. I didn't even know him, but I went through the stages of grief. I went through denial: "it's not him, it's some other big guy," actually came out of my mouth. I think it was because he seemed like somebody you could hang out with and talk to. He was just a very friendly guy, and that came out in his public life that I saw. And in his private life, his friends and family say that was who he was too. I wish his life didn't end with that tragedy, I think he could have done a lot more good for this world. But if you like him, or even if you didn't, it's a great book to read.

Here's one of my favorite sketches that he did, but it wasn't on Saturday Night Live, it was with Tom Arnold (of all people):

Odd News

I really like reading the "Odd News" section on Yahoo! Today there was a really odd one, that had the headline, "Nude Maid Accused of Really Cleaning Up." It's short so I'll just post the whole thing here:

TAMPA, Fla. - A nude maid is accused of really cleaning up at a Florida man's home. The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office said a 50-year-old man hired the maid from the Internet on Friday to clean his Tampa home.

Authorities said the woman arrived at the home in a one-piece, light colored dress. She took off the dress and cleaned the house for $100-per-hour. Sheriff's office spokeswoman Debbie Carter said the man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean.

When the man's wife came home from vacation, she discovered $40,000 in jewelry missing from their bedroom.

Police are investigating.

This is weird. First of all, who freakin' wants to work as a nude maid. Who comes up with these ideas? Second of all, why did this man decide to hire a naked maid when his wife was on vacation? (Well, I guess that's pretty self-explanatory). I but he had some heavy explaining to do. This is just weird. I guess he didn't really expect her to steal anything, because, really, where could she hide it without having to walk funny.

But it just goes to show, guys are idiots. If you read this blog, I hope that you will please never consider hiring or becoming a naked maid. I mean that's just degrading.

Today's My Birthday

I'm 32. I could have my Driver's License twice now. The first 16 years went by so slow, and the next 16 years flew by. I can't believe I'm already this old. Here's a funny kid trying to sing Happy Birthday/

Happy Mother's Day

Born Standing Up

This was the autobiography of Steve Martin. I love Steve Martin. I love the 3 Amigos. I love The Jerk. I even liked him in Father of the Bride. I think he's funny. He's also super smart. This book was about his stand up comedy life, which he quit and never looked back on in 1981.

What I really liked about this book was that it talked about his philosophy about comedy and how he came up with his material. Some of it was weird, and some of it you could see him doing it. He used magic and banjo and a ton of props in his act. I wish I could have seen it.

I liked this book a lot. In fact, when it was over, I even read the acknowledgments because I didn't really want it to be over. He used a lot of his jokes in the book, and how he came up with them. He talked about how he came up with the idea for The Jerk. If you like Steve Martin, if you like stand-up comedy, then you'll think this book is awesome.

Sherlockbot

I think this video is hilarious.

Billy Goat Prank Calls

Yeah!

Although this video is definitely planned, it's still hilarious. Sometimes I get urges to do something like this to a complete stranger. Luckily, I have never acted out on these urges.

Need Harmony

This is a very funny video from the Skit Guys.

Ninja Parade

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Beach Blast Commercial

Here's our new Beach Blast commercial based on the Amp Energy Drink commercial from the Super Bowl.

April Fool's

I think these guys are hilarious.

Words that I like to Say

Here is a list of words that I like to say. I will probably be adding to this often.

1. Donkey
2. Walkie Talkie
3. Boom-a-rang
4. Deputy
5. Duty
6. Snuggle
7. Shank
8. Francisco (thanks to Elf)
9. Montague
10. Hula
11. Booty
12. Baboon
13. Mushy
14. Yellow
15. Honky
16. Stool
17. Protrude
18. Optical
19. Sinister
20. Velvet

Words I don't like to say

1. Loaf
2. Moist
3. Rampant
4. Jerky
5. Snake
6. Barb wire

How to Make a Water Gun Alarm Clock

If you have a hard time waking up in the morning, maybe you can try this.

Funny Video

I saw this video on a blog I read often, cow tipping. And it's hilarious.