Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Pancho Claus

All week we've been having Sports Camp at our church. I've been leading the Bible study for the 4th and 5th graders, and they've been a ton of fun. The first night I told a fart joke and a poop story. The rest of the night, the boys were farting. So I had to declare a "No Fart Zone" last night. Anyways, tonight, I'm talking about loving people and I'm going to share the story of Pancho Claus. I wrote a blog about it a year or so ago, and just reread it. I thought it was pretty funny, so I'm going to put it up here again, since I've been thinking about it today. Let me know what you think.


Every month my church goes out for a trip to do homeless ministry. We give away a great meal, clothes, toiletries, and some other stuff to people who live under the Commerce Street bridge or in the homeless shelter near there. This past Saturday I went along with a group of junior highers. I met some interesting people, and over the next couple of days I'm going to tell about the encounters that I had with some homeless people that I met.
First, I'm going to tell you about "Pancho Claus." He was a big man with a big white beard. He also was in a wheel chair and had a patch over one of his eyes. There was a man on a bicycle who called him "Pancho Claus" because he looked like a Hispanic Santa.
Well, Pancho had been talking to a couple of the kids, so I wanted to get close to him so I could hear and make sure they were ok. He was very, very drunk. The kids were being nice, talking to him, and inviting him over to get some food. We even offered to bring the food to him, since he was, after all, in a wheelchair. So after a few minutes, I knew we had to get back, so I said that to him to try to end the conversation. Well, he looked at me and said, "You come over here to talk to me, you don't have to be scared." I wasn't scared, so I walked over to him. He gave me his empty beer can to throw away.
After I threw the empty beer can away, he asked me to come back. So I walked back and he grabbed me by my hand. (Ok, a little freaky, but I'm still not scared) He starts talking to me, and I can't hear him very well. One, because I have bad hearing, and 2 because he was slurring his speech. He asked if he could have my sunglasses. I know sunglasses is a petty thing, and I could get along in my life without them, but they were expensive, and there was not a chance I was going to give them to him, especially since he only had one eye anyways.
So, he's got me by the hand and he says for me to listen to him, so I turn my head to point my ear at him, so I can hear him. This apparently makes him mad, and he hollers, "LOOK AT ME!" So, I look at him, but I can't hear him.
He tells me, "what do you see?"
I say, "I see a man."
"What kind of a man?" (you have to imagine this in the same type of accent as El Guapo from "The Three Amigos."
I say, "a good man?"
"What?!"
I say, "a hairy man?"
"What?!"
By this time I have no idea what he wants me to say. I am very aware of his sweaty hand and that all but one kid has left the scene. So, I guess, "a hippy man?"
He says "NO! I am a Roman Pirate and I'm here to kill the demons..." and then he rambles on about something that I really didn't understand.
So I say, very enthusiastically, "yeah, you do look like a pirate."
This apparently didn't make him happy, and he tells me, "You're a bad man. You're not a real Christian."
Well, I didn't like that much, so I asked him why he would say something like that.
He then grabs my hand tighter and says, "Look at me!" He lifts the patch from his eye a little bit and I am telling you now that was one of the grossest things I have ever seen. It was like looking into a fleshy hole. And he just wants me to look at him and listen. BUT HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING!!! He just holds my hand and stares. So, I just look back at him, and watching his other hand to make sure he doesn't pull out a butcher knife to chop out my eye to replace his. (OK, honestly, I'm getting a little spooked by this point)
After a minute or so, he asks me, "What did I say?" HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT. I said, "something about you being a Roman Pirate." That was really the only thing I could remember him saying.
Pancho Clause yells, "NO! Listen to me." Again he makes me stare at the hole in his eye and listen to him trying to speak with his mind. I really don't want to know what he was telling me with his mind thoughts. All I was really thinking was that I really want to wash my hand.
Again, after a minute of silence he said, "Did you hear what I said to you."
I said, "Nope, I didn't hear a thing."
Then he went off about this Roman Pirate thing and what it meant to be a real Christian and how we need to serve Jesus.
Then he started laughing and let go of my hand, and said he was just messing around with me. On the outside I was laughing with him, and on the inside I was screaming, "Dude, you are crazy."
Then, before I left, he asked me one more thing. "Hey man, I need some underwear, can I have yours? You can go behind that car and change for me."
I was like, "No, heck no." Then he asked Isaac. Isaac said, "No, heck no!"

I know I've been trying to think about how to love people more. Did I show love to this guy. I didn't love him, he actually freaked me out a little bit. (You look at a hole in somebody's eye while he holds your hand and tries to telepathically speak into your head by a guy who looks like a Hispanic Santa Claus in a wheelchair and tell me you're not a little freaked out too) But thinking back, did I meet his needs and show him love. We did bring him some food, and then he came over and got seconds. But then one of his friends told me that he was very lonely and wanted people to talk to him and listen to him.
I don't think I did all I could for this man, but I think this is what God had me to do for that day with this man to show him the love of God. Is it going to make a big difference in his life? Probably not, but for that moment, I feel that God was using me and the other students to show the love of God to Pancho Claus.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That's hilarious