13 People who should take Paula Abdul's place on American Idol

Last night I sat with Suzy as she watched American Idol. I hate this show. I actually hate almost all reality t.v. Suzy loves it, all of it. I end up seeing some of it because Suzy doesn't miss an episode. I think one thing I don't like about it is that Paula Abdul is an idiot. I get embarrassed for her when she gets up and starts dancing behind her chair. Everything she says is stupid. She tries hard and it comes out dumb. Paula Abdul didn't say anything helpful or intelligent. She sounds like a crazy homeless person. So, here are some other "has-beens" that I think could take her place and do a better job.

1. Brittney Spears--She's not going to say anything intelligent (because you have to have some intelligence) but at least we might get to see her get mad and pull out an umbrella and beat up Randy. "If you say 'dawg' one more time, I'm going to shave my head again!"

2. Debbie Gibson--I think she's going by Deborah now. I saw her in an interview the other day, and she didn't seem quite as drunk as Paula.

3. Tiffany--Then the contestants can start singing "I think we're Alone Now"

4. Tina Yothers--The little girl from Family Ties. She tried to sing in a band, so she knows a little bit about music. Plus she's kinda scary looking, so it could be like a car wreck, where you just can't look away. That could be good for ratings.

5. Peppa--From Salt n Peppa. I think it would be fun to hear Simon say "Peppa, what do you think?" and try to be serious when saying it.

6. Baby Spice--We can always use another English accent.

7. Belinda Carlisle--From the Go Go's.

8. Christina Aguilera--She's been performing since she was little, so we know she can't think for herself. So the American Idol people can tell her what to think, and then she can say it. She'll always be under their control.

9. Whitney Houston--I know some people don't think she's a has-been, but she definitely is. She hasn't come out with anything in years except for a cocaine addiction. This will add some drama to the show, because Bobby will try out in every city trying to rekindle his "singing" career.

10. Brody Armstrong--She's the wife of Tim Armstrong of Rancid. She was in the Distillers. She never got that big, but she's tattooed all over and has the punk rock attitude. She'll speak her mind, and I think she's as funny as anything.

11. Courtney Love--If they really want some melt-downs, she's the one that could do it. She'll never say anything intelligent because the drugs ate up 97% of her brain years ago. I'm surprised she can function at all. But she could definitely give Simon some heartburn by having to sit next to her and listen to her dribble all day. This would be funny just to see how Simon handles her.

12. Gloria Estephan--She's got that Latin attitude. Every interview I've seen her in, she seems to be intelligent, and she's actually had a career that lasted more than 1 album. Unlike the first 11, she would actually add something to the show besides drama and more stupid talk.

13. Jessica Simpson--She still won't say anything good, but at least she's prettier than Paula.


Here's a video of Paula at a time when I was embarrassed for her because of how stupid she looked and sounded.